My Massage Therapist Cares More About Me Than You…

So I had my surgery Thursday. Wednesday my boyfriend came and spent the night with me. I thought/hoped it would be a nice night with the to of us cuddling and being close with each other but, yet again, my all too high expectations of people got to me. We were not close. He didn’t touch me, we didn’t cuddle, we didn’t do much at all other than watch some TV and I listened to him talk about himself and his work and whatever. I laid down for about a half hour before getting ready for the surgery hoping that he would lay with me and he did not.

I should be used to this shit already right?

The surgery went well I guess. I do not really remember much of what the doctor told me but he removed some adhesion and scar tissue. My boyfriend and my best friend took me home and we spent the rest of the day trying to relax and I ate a lot of food. I was starved!

My massage guy shot me a text asking how I was doing and I replied that I was alive and he said “Good. Now get some rest.”

All day my boyfriend had been telling me that he wasn’t going to go out of town and that he would stay with me and whatever but then night came around and the guy that was trying to get him to go to this conference called and pushed him into going. So since he was leaving me I asked my other friend to leave so I could have a couple hours with him before he went out of town. My great boyfriend did not stay much more than half an hour after she left leaving me alone on the night of my surgery.

I feel loved.

He called me on his way to meet up with the people he was drivin with. Once he got there (around 10pm) he said he would call me later during the drive. He did not call again. I asked him to call me at 9:30 to wake me up to take my medicine. My alarm clock woke me up at 9:30 Friday morning. I called my boyfriend a couple times, he didn’t answer.

I called him again a couple hours later. His phone was off.

Finally when I called him around 1pm he answered with some bs about him driving 8 hours and his phone dying and he just got to the hotel and had to check in (even though the room wasn’t in his name so why the fuck couldn’t he talk to me for 5 minutes while the person whose name the room was i was checking in.) Whatever. He said he would call back a few minutes later once they got ito the room. 6 hours later I call him “I guess it takes 6 hours to get checked into hotel rooms nowadays?”

More bs “Uh the room wasn’t ready when we got here so we went and worked out and ate and….blah blah” didn’t decide to call your girlfriend who just had surgery because you’re a douche.

My sister and the nephews came over with some wonton soup from Hunan in Chagrin Falls. Every tiem I get sick, even when I lived in Columbus, all I wanted was won ton soup from the Hunan in Chagrin. No chicken noodle, no home made stuff, just wonton from Hunan. It was a nice visit.

My massage therapist text me asking how I was feeling. I told him I wasn’t too much better than I was the day of the surgery and explained what they found and had a brief chat then he told me to “smoke one and get some more rest.”

Seriously. My massage guy thinks about me more than my boyfriend does!

Oh when I woke up and called the boyfriend back he asked how I was doing (even though he didn’t really care and only asked because thats the first thing people say when having a conversation) I said I was still in a lot of pain. He responded that he was in a lot of pain too from working out. What the fuck. Seriously? He has to one-up me at everything. I had fucking surgery yesterday. I am in pain from SURGERY and you are going to complain about your back pain from doing a different workout than your normal routine to me? Get real dickhead.

Power Of Attorney

So it has been a really rough week for me physically, mentally a emotionally.

I have learned a lot of bad things that have been going on behind my back from people I thought were trustworthy and my friends and “family.” Turns out I pretty much can only count on myself and less than a hand-full of people in my life.

It really sucks when I react to betrayal by being angry (as I would think to be a normal reaction) the person that betrayed my trusts gets angry at ME! How in the world is that fair?

I was not in too much pain at work this week. There was pain here and there but it wasn’t as bad since I was on light duty and I was finally able to get back to doing the work I was hired to do which felt good.

Eddie spent some time picking up the loose ends over here this weekend and finally got my dresser put together while I rearranged my apartment yet again. It is coming together. I have the litter boxes semi-closed in so they are not just open in my kitchen and I even made a little area for dining. It is kinda cute.

I spent around $1200.00 this week on shit I would rather not have had to buy. Not cool. Pretty much blew most of the money I have spent the past 4 months saving up to fix other peoples damage to me.

As you know I am having laparoscopic surgery Thursday to, hopefully, find out the cause of all the pain I have been in.I won’t know the time of my surgery until Wednesday and won’t know how long my recovery will be until after I wake up. I went in for pre surgery testing Wednesday and got to reading the pamphlets and I got the paperwork for Power of Attorney and filled out my wishes. That kinda has me freaked out a little too. Hope for the best but I plan for the worst. If it has been stated my two professionals that I will not wake up I ask that I be left in a coma for 8 months. Why 8 months? I just randomly picked an amount of time more that 6 months and less than a year. Miracles can happen. If the say I’m going to be a vegetable take me off any life support. Done.

lot of pain and errands today. I got the rental car returned. Got part of my car fixed so it is at least drivable, did some laundry, and caught up with some people I haven’t spoken to in a while. That reminds me I should call my sister Karen…The pet store didn’t have the litter I need so I’ll have to go out again this week to get more but I think I have everything else I need for the week covered.

I had a nice conversation with Bubba and throughout his sobriety he has become a total different person and an amazing person to talk to. He lets me be negative and bitch about all the stuff I’m upset about and is able to help and give me advice on how to handle situations along with bs banter which has been much needed.

I have slept alone for at least 3 nights, tonight will be 4 and I’m not liking that. I feel very alone and scared and hurt.

I’ve got Annie and Tom (and hopefully Eddie) by my side Thursday throughout my surgery and Friday but no one to help me out Saturday. Apparently my sister has something more important to do Saturday afternoon that is preventing her to stop by and check in on me. Probably something to do with school. If not school I’m a little hurt she cannot set aside whoever she has plans with to come help me in need after I just had a surgery. Whatever. I’ll be fine on my own as I usually am.

Just a lot of shit going through my head right now.

I just hope things get better for me. God has a plan for me. What it is I do not know yet but I really hope I’ll be able to figure it out soon!

Good night and have a good week peeps! And thanks Bobby and Lisa!

What You Talkin’ Bout?

If you were at a casino with one of your friends, maybe even your significant other, and they did not have money to waste gambling because they just had to spent a lot of money on their broken down car and replace some expensive items that you had tainted, what would you do?

If it was me I would try to include them as much as possible. I would offer to let them spin the wheel or pull the lever. I would try to keep them in a conversation. If I walked past a candy bowl I would not just grab a piece of candy for myself but I would also grab a piece of candy for them too. Is that giving too much? Do I waste my time and think about other peoples feelings too much?

When I Thought Things Could Not Get Any Worse….

My car was involved in a hit and run. I do not have collision coverage so the door does not get fixed so I get to drive around with a clapped-out car with a huge dent in he side.

Rental car doesn’t have cruise control.

Left my wallet on the trunk of my car and lost it somewhere between Bainbridge and home.

My boyfriend got an all expense paid trip to some business networking trip the day after my surgery so I probably don’t have anyone to take care of me while I am stuck in bed because my best friend, who is staying with me for 2 days, has too out of town too.

Good news? A good samaritan found my wallet and turned it in. Everything was there; all my money, my credit cards, my receipts. Everything but my stamps and lotto tickets and loose papers that probably flew out during the flying off my car.

Surgery is still set for Thursday the 27th.

What Is Wrong With People?

I have found people in so many different situations where I have proof they were somewhere other than the place they said they were going to be or did something they said they didn’t and they deny it.

Why do people lie?

Why do people lie when there is evidence? Proof even?

Just last week someone called me and told me that the person I was seeing was spotted in Solon with a girl in his car. I called him and he said he was at work. Normally I call him on my lunch break and he answers and we talk briefly. That day he didn’t answer any one of my calls leading me to believe that the information my friend was true and that he was lying. So I did some research. I called his boss and said that I haven’t seen him since he left for work and wanted to make sure he was okay. His boss told me that he spoke with him around 7:30am and he said e was in Solon and will be at the job site shortly and that he never showed up.That was his boss telling me this! What reason on earth would his boss, whom lives in Bedford, tell me he said he was in Solon? I also saw pictures on Facebook of him out with these girls. Even more proof. Yet he still lied and said he went to work and never saw any girls. What the fuck? How do people become compulsive liars? I even trough the evidence to their attention so they knew that I knew they were lying and they still lied.

Another one; I hear that the person who was watching my home when I was on vacation tried to seduce my boyfriend. He gave me very specific details, details that she never told me and details that I could not know unless it was true. He told me that he stopped over my house to check in on things while I was away and they took a walk and ended up at my local bar where I know every single person that works there, goes there, and even the owners. I asked her about it. She said that it never happened and she never even went to the bar. Now my boyfriend made it a point to make sure that all the people there were introduced to Carolyn’s friend X who is watching her house so if I were to hear one of my friends tell me they saw him at the bar with another girl I would think nothing of it because he knows my friends are my friends and would tell me. Now this girl is still denying it. Things I have heard are starting to make sense. He told me about the tattoo she has that I never saw. How would he know about a tattoo on her thigh unless he saw it? I called my friends from the bar and asked “Hey did you see my dude up at the bar with my friend X a couple weeks ago?” Both of them said “sure did,” one of them even gave them cards. She still denies it and denies ever being in that bar. This making another person in my life a liar. Why the fuck would my close friends tell me that they saw my man at the bar with my friend? THEY WOULDN’T!!!

Why am I one of the only people that tells the truth when asked a question? If we break up and I do something stupid and then we get back together and you find out or ask me about it I tell you the truth. “Yes, I did that, We broke up and I was pissed so I did something stupid.”

I ask “Did you go out with Tonya and Amanda last night” and you say you were home all night and went to work all day you are lying for no reason.

The truth may hurt people but it hurts way more when you know someone close to you is constantly lying to your face.

Here is my advice to you, every single one of you. Don’t lie. There is no point. The truth will set you free and you will be an honorable (at least honest) person. Lying is for shit heads and douche bags so cut it the fuck out or get the fuck away from me.

Tonight Tonight

My spirits were a little lifted from last nights debacle when Vinny sent me a text and I learned he was in town albeit he has been here a week and I’m just now finding out.
I got some rest and woke up to get ready to go to the John Carroll football game with Vinny and Amanda to watch Frankie Pines play defense. Headed to our friends bar for their third year’s birthday. Things are looking better.
Forget yesterday and focus on now. Here; being happy in the moment. I cannot remember the last time I let anyone pick me up and just roll with it.